I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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