Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
