Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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