Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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