Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the raccoons are back...
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