It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
