once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
