i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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