Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
