I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Randomize
