did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
