I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
