Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
