I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
