Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
