oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
