My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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