new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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