Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize