Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
