he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's just like the Real World with babies
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
