For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
