she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There was a lot of him and a little penis
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
