why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
