i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
