Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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