Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize