the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
