with your own penis?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
