just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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