after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize