is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
