I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
