Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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