I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
