There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
