ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
