Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
