Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
