4 words: hood of his car
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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