just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
