Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
