she was so not down for the gang bang
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
