Someone shit on the floor
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
