i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
