Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
