The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
