you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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