Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
