I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
