Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
