so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
