not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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