I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
