Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
