Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
