A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
