One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
