it wasn't lemon gatorade
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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