I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
