First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
