On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You ruined the universe
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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