A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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