Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
