At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
