We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
