Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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