is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
