you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize