wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
