i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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