sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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