how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
