If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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