I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
