wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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