four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
