Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
