this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
